wait. what?

today i learned that i dissolve into tears while on the phone with student loan customer service representatives.

i called for some explanation on a letter i received in the mail saying that i was no longer eligible for a 2% reduction of my interest in a year because three of my recent payments had been "delinquent". i've always been extremely careful about making sure that all my payments are very much the opposite of "delinquent", so you can understand why i very much wanted someone to tell me what i had done to become a "delinquent" despite my best efforts.

it didn't help that the customer service lady who got stuck with my call sounded exactly like a woman who has treated me with nothing but scorn and disrespect and has utterly ruined my reputation. the moment customer service lady started talking, i felt myself tense up and get all anxious and defensive. the sad thing is, she was really quite nice, just a little difficult to understand and not extremely well-versed in the english language, which made it kind of hard for her to try and explain what was going on, and made me feel even more tense, anxious, and defensive.

the worst part, though, is that the reason my payments were "delinquent" is because i paid them too early.

yup.

i was being so proactive that i gave them their money sooner than they wanted it. has anyone ever said, 'oh really, don't worry about it, i don't want $225 of your hard earned money yet, please give it to me in a week or two'. if you're thinking no, i agree. i almost wanted to ask for it back. sorry i was prompt in paying you back, aes, next time i'll hold on to my cash a little longer and make you sweat. it was all too much for my tense, anxious, and defensive (not to mention hungry, tired, and hormonal) self to handle. i felt the tears coming as they welled up in my eyes and my throat began to close as i resisted acting like i had left my big girl panties upstairs in my dresser this morning. i took deep breaths. i prayed for patience, understanding, and maturity. i pressed my fingers to my eyes. i cried anyway. and the lady knew it. unfortunately, customer service lady's unnecessary words of apology were lost on ears that kept associating her with someone who would never apologize to me in a million years. it was all too familiar, except customer service lady was taking my money along with my dignity, which made it feel a hundred times worse.

such is life.